chemo #4 !!
well, chemo #4 is complete! i will say that it feels great to have it done. however, i have really been struggling the past couple of weeks. i am just really tired of the treatments. i feel ridiculous even saying that since there have only been 4 and some people go through years and years of different treatments, but i just can't help it!! i dread having to go to the hospital... anticipating what is about to happen to my body... the way i feel afterwards... just the combination of things has had me in the worst mood about it. i really do not like being this way.
i feel like this cancer consumes every aspect of my life... and lately i have just been tired of talking about it. i just want to be "normal" again without having to worry about every little thing... am i resting enough? have i had enough to eat/drink? where are my eyebrows going???!!! ... things of that nature. it has been frustrating. also, sometimes i feel like it's hard to explain exactly how i am feeling to people... it's hard to put the way i feel into words and be understood. because yes, overall i have been adjusting really well to treatments and have been able to do pretty much all of the things i did "pre cancer" but i do still have bad moments/days and i often feel like i am not able to really express that. because if i express it, then that will somehow make me a burden for other people. like i will be inconveniencing their day because of my ailments and complaining. maybe some of this is in my head because i don't like the changes and it's hard adjusting... i don't know. oh anxiety, you are so lovely.
ok, on to chemo #4 ... it went as well as could be expected. some of my counts were low so i did have to do a few of the neupogen shots again this time around. i opted to have them done in my stomach instead of my arm and it was sooooo much better. i don't particularly like needing those shots, but it's almost comforting in a way because i know how helpful they are to my body! i also had a room with a window which i love, there weren't crazy wait times, and i wasn't a complete [you know what] to the nurses - these are all successes if you ask me!
about a week post treatment i caught a cold. this of course panicked me because one of my goals through this whole thing is to not have any hospital stays! luckily after a few tests my doctor prescribed an antibiotic and i am on the mend and still on track for my next chemo treatment. (i did not want to have to post pone anything!!) - i would be lying if i said i wasn't nervous on the ride up to the hospital though... thoughts like "what if i have a fever?" "am i going to be admitted?" ... luckily neither of those things ended up happening.
my pet scan is a few days away, i am very anxious for the results. my fingers are crossed so tightly for a scan with "no activity" ... we shall see!!
a couple positive notes from the past 2 weeks .... danny celebrated a birthday! adriana and i decorated the house, he played golf and we had a celebratory dinner at one of our favorite restaurants, dolce zola! also, i purchased a few new wigs... i officially have embraced wig life and am kind of loving it! blonde one day, pink hair the next... i mean, why not?!
thank you for taking the time to read this post! xoxo