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hello!

welcome to my little space of the internet, i'm so happy you're here. i truly am taking life day by day and look forward to sharing all of life's crazy experiences with you!  

chemo #4 !!

chemo #4 !!

well, chemo #4 is complete!  i will say that it feels great to have it done.  however, i have really been struggling the past couple of weeks.  i am just really tired of the treatments.  i feel ridiculous even saying that since there have only been 4 and some people go through years and years of different treatments, but i just can't help it!!  i dread having to go to the hospital... anticipating what is about to happen to my body... the way i feel afterwards... just the combination of things has had me in the worst mood about it.  i really do not like being this way. 

i feel like this cancer consumes every aspect of my life... and lately i have just been tired of talking about it.  i just want to be "normal" again without having to worry about every little thing... am i resting enough?  have i had enough to eat/drink?  where are my eyebrows going???!!! ... things of that nature.  it has been frustrating.  also, sometimes i feel like it's hard to explain exactly how i am feeling to people... it's hard to put the way i feel into words and be understood.  because yes, overall i have been adjusting really well to treatments and have been able to do pretty much all of the things i did "pre cancer" but i do still have bad moments/days and i often feel like i am not able to really express that.  because if i express it, then that will somehow make me a burden for other people.  like i will be inconveniencing their day because of my ailments and complaining.   maybe some of this is in my head because i don't like the changes and it's hard adjusting... i don't know.  oh anxiety, you are so lovely. 

ok, on to chemo #4 ... it went as well as could be expected.  some of my counts were low so i did have to do a few of the neupogen shots again this time around.  i opted to have them done in my stomach instead of my arm and it was sooooo much better.  i don't particularly like needing those shots, but it's almost comforting in a way because i know how helpful they are to my body!  i also had a room with a window which i love, there weren't crazy wait times, and i wasn't a complete [you know what] to the nurses - these are all successes if you ask me! 

about a week post treatment i caught a cold.  this of course panicked me because one of my goals through this whole thing is to not have any hospital stays!  luckily after a few tests my doctor prescribed an antibiotic and i am on the mend and still on track for my next chemo treatment. (i did not want to have to post pone anything!!) - i would be lying if i said i wasn't nervous on the ride up to the hospital though... thoughts like "what if i have a fever?" "am i going to be admitted?" ... luckily neither of those things ended up happening. 

my pet scan is a few days away, i am very anxious for the results.  my fingers are crossed so tightly for a scan with "no activity" ... we shall see!! 

a couple positive notes from the past 2 weeks .... danny celebrated a birthday!  adriana and i decorated the house, he played golf and we had a celebratory dinner at one of our favorite restaurants, dolce zola!  also, i purchased a few new wigs... i officially have embraced wig life and am kind of loving it!  blonde one day, pink hair the next... i mean, why not?! 

thank you for taking the time to read this post! xoxo

chemo #5 & pet scan results

chemo #5 & pet scan results

chemo #3 !!

chemo #3 !!