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hello!

welcome to my little space of the internet, i'm so happy you're here. i truly am taking life day by day and look forward to sharing all of life's crazy experiences with you!  

the aftermath...

the aftermath...

well, i am over a week past my very first treatment and i feel.... okay?  i think? the first few days were definitely an adjustment... but right now i almost feel like my "old self"...  a more tired version of her... but all things considered, i feel pretty good. 

Some fun side effects i have experienced so far in no particular order.....

nausea. which means no appetite... like, none whatsoever. this is especially annoying because I LOVE FOOD!!  all kinds of food... mexican, indian.... thai!!! you name it! but lately even my most favorite meal choices sound super gross... which is beyond inconvenient because i am being told to "eat, eat, eat!!!" and then when i'm done that, "eat some more".  but how can you eat when you feel nauseous?  and how in the world can i not be in the mood for navratan korma???!!!! my most favorite meal.... although naan sounds kind of good currently?  i did find this awesome cookbook, the cancer fighting kitchen - it is amazing.  i made a few of the soup recipes in the days leading up to my treatment and threw them in the freezer!  i highly recommend the cookbook!  it gives recipes for pretty much every side effect you could possibly be feeling and also has some advice thrown in there as well! 

headaches.  another not fun side effect.... i probably should be drinking more water, i suppose that would help a little with the head throbbing sitch... but it's very hard to be excited about drinking water when you feel like vomiting!  and even if i wasn't excited about drinking water and had to force myself, it's still hard to do because i just don't want it. 

tiredness.  that one is a given, right?  chemo + no caffeine = night night.  i sometimes will get winded after walking up a flight of steps... just the feeling of needing to sit down constantly - it's frustrating.  although sometimes i'll go through my day totally normal and then 2:30 will hit and i get this random wave of exhaustion... it passes though. 

weird mouth pains.  i knew getting mouth sores was a side effect... however, i didn't actually have any sores but i had the sensation of them.  it's hard to describe... like the feeling of little knives slicing me every time i ate or drank anything... even water! (which made having to drink it THAT much more difficult!) ... this lasted a few days and has since subsided... fingers crossed it doesn't return!

we did share the news with our kids.  maeve and nick especially are old enough to understand what is going on and adriana easily picks up on things as well.  it would be impossible and also unnecessary to keep something so important hidden from them.  both maeve and nick understand what cancer is and obviously know people who have passed from it... so it was imperative for us to explain my particular cancer to them in a way that wasn't so "scary" (for lack of a better word).  the same went for adriana...  but for her the conversation was much more simple... mommy has a sickness that is being treated with medicine that will make me tired and feel not so great some days, and will make my hair fall out.  but i will be all better soon!!!

dan and i decided to have a conversation with each child individually.  this allowed us to tailor the conversation to each person and gave them the opportunity to ask any questions they had without interruption.  some of the questions that were asked: maeve - "is it contagious?" - i didn't realize how common that question actually was for a kid to ask!  adriana had many questions as to WHY i was going to lose my hair... but since the conversation she is very excited to see my head buzzed... me, not so much!  nick seemed to understand the gravity of the situation so his questions were pretty specific about the length of time, how treatments would make me feel etc.  i left each conversation with the overwhelming feeling of how resilient kids really are! 

no matter what, my goal is to keep things as normal as possible for them.  and i don't think it's impossible to do so!  just one day at a time and lots of deep breaths.  

adios to my hair and chemo #2

adios to my hair and chemo #2

port placement and chemo #1

port placement and chemo #1