well i am officially on my 3rd week since my last chemo treatment and it feels… strange. but in a good way!!! i was able to wake up this past friday and NOT go to the hospital. instead i spent a few hours with my little ladybug who was off of school before heading to one of my favorite little places with danny!
it was nice to just feel ‘normal’ for the first time in a while. of course my body couldn’t let me totally off the hook…. i had a horrible cold for most of last week and the weekend… but nothing a little mucinex couldn’t mask!! and i did not let it hold me back. and i am happy to say it went away on it’s own without needing an antibiotic or worse, a hospital visit!!
i have to say that as much as i want to enjoy these few weeks of no chemotherapy, it is so hard to not focus on the unknown of what’s happening with my body. i am finished with chemo, i am feeling great… but the waiting for my next pet scan is torture. i just want to know for sure that the cancer and the mass are gone. i need the confirmation for my own sanity! of course everyone is telling me that “it will be fine”…. that there’s no need to worry, to just take it “one day at a time”… my most favorite line… but that is all easier said than done.
later this week i’ll make the trip back up to penn for my “radiation simulation” … sounds like i’ll be ready to launch into space… but no. instead it will be a day getting me ready for the radiation therapy. multiple tests, i’ll get my radiation “tattoos”, meet with the doctors, get fitted for a mask that i apparently have to wear & a breathing tube of some sort… fun stuff! they will also be doing a CT scan that day… i wonder if i’ll know the results the same day? that would shine some light on the ‘is the mass gone’ question i have! fingers crossed.
sometimes i sit and think, how is this my life? often times it doesn’t feel real. i went through rounds of chemo and now am waiting for radiation to begin…. what?! how?! why!!! these crazy thoughts run through my head like “my life has been cut in half” - just because i have cancer. i don’t like these thoughts…. it’s not even true but it’s where my mind goes sometimes. my husband said something to me one night when i was on a downward spiral of the “i’m going to die young” topic… he said to think about how far science and medicine has come just in the past 10 years. that every day they are discovering new things, better treatment options etc. and if for some reason 20 years from now my cancer decides to return or a new cancer forms, maybe there will be a cure. or at the very least a better way to treat it. out of all the things i’ve heard, that has been the most comforting. we can’t control what happens… but we can control how we handle it!! “it’s not the load the breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.”
we wanted to celebrate the end of chemo with a little weekend getaway to one of our favorite places… new hope, pennsylvania. we actually stayed right across the bridge in lambertiville and i fell in love with that little town! our air bnb was ADORABLE and was in the most perfect location right along the canal. if you are ever in the area you have to have dinner at italian cucina!! it is so delicious. the menu changes every day based on whatever fresh ingredients they have in the kitchen. it’s our favorite place and byob! make a reservation. we also tried el tule in lambertville. it’s a mexican and peruvian restaurant and it was heaven. peruvian food may be my new favorite! currently craving it. there was also the most gorgeous flower shop, flora. it was succulent and cactus heaven. there are tons of antique shops and cute bars and restaurants… you really can’t go wrong. the area is loaded with history… washington crossing historic park is beautiful. we walked all the way to the top of bowman tower… it was well worth it. the view was really beautiful. some pics from our trip!
the weather was a little crappy on saturday… but we still had a really great time! it was a much needed weekend away. but, it left me wanting more. i really cannot wait for radiation to be behind me and for more celebrations to come.
just for funsies here’s a little look back on our past new hope trips. love this annual tradition!