chemo #7 !!!!
ahhhh!! i am so close to completion that it is making me a little giddy!! while the cancer finish line is in view… there’s still so much to go through before i get there. so many fears and a lot of uncertainty. can i just fast forward to january?! that would be ideal.
chemo number 7… i was so nervous going into this treatment because of how awful the last one had been. i just didn’t want to feel crappy again, i wasn’t ready. i had my blood work done and thankfully all of my numbers were where they should be! that was a relief. the doctor still ordered 2 of the neupogen shots to do at home, just to keep my white blood cells producing quickly - i was happy about that. although they do leave me feeling pretty sore and achy… but that means it’s working!
i explained to the doctor how awful i had felt after my last treatment… almost flu like but without the actual flu. given that information she ordered a bag of fluids to be administered with my chemo meds. basically, it sounded like i was dehydrated the last go round so by pumping me with the extra fluids it would allow my body to process everything better. it really made a difference… well, i think so anyway. i felt much better overall and was able to leave the house a few times over the weekend!
of course monday rolled around and left me not feeling my best. the mouth sore sensation (minus the actual sores), headache, fatigue… all of that fun stuff! typically that lasts a few days and by the weekend i’m feeling much better.
sometimes i don’t know if i sound repetitive in my posts… because to be honest, for the most part each treatment is pretty similar. lately for me it hasn’t been so much how i feel currently, but more so how nervous/anxious i am for what’s to come. people will say things like “cross that bridge when you get to it”, “take it one day at a time” or “it will go by fast!” … fast.. i wish. i am not the ‘cross that bridge when you get to it’ person and certainly not the ‘take it one day at a time’ gal either! i obsess and plan every detail of every situation… i research and drive my self insane with obtaining any and all information. so, why would chemotherapy and now radiation be any different? it’s not. it’s just a bigger, scarier life happening to deal with. also something else i was thinking… chemotherapy and radiation aren’t a “cure” … it’s just something that helps it “go away” … it’s such a scary and intimidating thought. i want it to just be gone forever… and i know there is a good chance that it will be, but there’s also a chance that it could just resurface down the road since there’s no real cure. it drives me crazy. it doesn’t seem fair. but, life isn’t fair… so i am trying my best to stay positive and focus on healing myself… which means maintaining a healthy lifestyle and taking the best care of myself. i don’t think the chinese food i had for lunch was the healthiest choice but... it was delish.
i am really looking forward to the light the night walk this weekend!! if you are in the delaware area feel free to join us!!!