cancer talk & light the night!
as my chemotherapy regimen comes to an end tomorrow (hopefully for good) i have spent some time reflecting on life and all of it’s crazy happenings. sometimes knowing that i have cancer is hard to believe… even now after multiple treatments, tests, blood work etc. it’s like this crazy reality that still doesn’t quite feel real. i’ll find myself saying “i have cancer” out loud and just sitting there in disbelief. i’m not sure if that is even a normal thing to do… maybe it is. who knows. i just remember when 2018 started i made up this little list of all the things i wanted to accomplish this year… some of which included 1. take a regular yoga class 2. stick with the pescatarian diet 3. travel to a few bucket list places 4. pay off some debts …. not knowing that just a few months later my world would be flipped upside down and all of the ‘plans’ i made would have to be put on hold. life is funny that way, isn’t it? it can be so unpredictable and scary… but at the same time, still beautiful.
over the weekend i went to my very first light the night walk that the leukemia & lymphoma society hosts all across the country. i am not sure what to say about it other than it was really, really amazing. incredible! so many people from all different walks of life with similar stories to mine, or a completely different story but still the same bottom line. we had/have cancer but it will not win. we were all in one place! walking for the same cause… fighting the same ugly battle. “when we walk cancer runs” … “bring light to the darkness of cancer” … some of the phrases that are used surrounding the event and each time i say or type them it brings tears to my eyes. the amount of love and support that this organization shows is just really humbling. i am so grateful to everyone who donated, for my family and friends who came to the event and walked with me… it means so much. i am lucky to have such a great support system and am forever thankful for each of you!!! time is precious (especially weekend time!!!) so thank you for choosing to be there and lifting your lanterns with me in the face of this ugly disease!!! i can’t wait to go to the event again next year - hopefully cancer free!
am i afraid? of course. i am terrified of what the future holds. are the chemo treatments i’ve done enough? is radiation going to leave me feeling awful? will the cancer i have now stay gone for good? will a second cancer develop? soooooo many questions… it’s hard not to focus on them!!! i know that all i can do is take it one day at a time, have positive thoughts, yadda yadda yadda … and i do try to do that!!!! i am just not always successful.
but for now, i am going to go into my 8th and final chemo treatment tomorrow with a grateful heart and a positive mindset. i did it! and i will continue to do it until the cancer is gone and i can put this chapter behind me!
as always thank you for reading and all of your support through this crazy journey!!!